


but i can't do this alone (sometimes i just need a light)

by flustraaa



Series: never judge a book by its cover [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Gen, Law Student Alec Lightwood, M/M, Nervous Magnus Bane, Sad Magnus Bane, Sleepy Alec Lightwood, anxious Magnus bane, curious Magnus bane, emotionally repressed Alec Lightwood, emptionally hurt Alec Lightwood, famous magnus bane., usain bolt whooo Alec can run dude, zoom zoom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 06:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19740109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: magnus never seems to learn that annotations can tell you everything you need to know. especially if you read between the lines just right.





	but i can't do this alone (sometimes i just need a light)

When Magnus manages to drag his feet through the threshold at an ungodly time, he finds that the light by his bed is still on. 

Aftert he initial excitement and rush of adoration he feels at the thought of Alec staying up; he quickly realised that Alec has class in a matter of hours. He turns the corner, stopping as he finds his love laying on the made bed, sleeping soundly. A book rests on Alec’s chest and Magnus can’t bite back the affectionate snort when he sees the title. 

_ The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson _

He rolls his eyes fondly, take a few soft steps closer before slipping the book from Alec’s grasp. Before he’s upright again, Alec grumbles and turns his head to the side of the bed which faces the wall before resolving back into his sleepy breaths. Magnus moves to set the book down, but his eyes first catch the angry marks of highlighter and sticky notes along the sides. 

His eyes catch only one word: Magnus. The word itself is in Alec’s penmanship, though the normally calligraphic writing is a sloppy mess, words hasty and unattached, as if his head had moved to fast for his hands. 

Emerald and gold speckled eyes spare a sparse glance down to Alec. After determining he wasn’t near enough consciousness to realise Magnus’ actions, he slips onto the nightstand. 

His heart drops to his stomach as Alec shuffles, and he looks up, finding his boyfriend has stirred slightly, hand precariously dangling from the edge, a sleepy huff escaping his lips. Magnus disregards the movement, glancing back down at the words on the page.

Three words flow through his mind on repeat, a mantra that confirms his worst fears. 

_ You’re hurting him.  _

His fingers flip through the pages at a more rapid pace, eyes fluttering about the pages and with every scrawled word and harsh line his heart just slips further into an abyss. 

He doesn’t hear the sharp intake of breath, or the creaking of the mattress- he doesn’t catch the terrified look in Alec’s eyes until it’s too late. 

“Magnus,” Though his voice is rough, it lacks every ounce of sleep, the terror seeping through. 

Green- color dulled by the water creasing his bottom lid- eyes snap up to see blue eyes blinking excessively. 

He’s holding back emotions.

The mantra flutters back through his head, ten times louder. 

Alec’s looking at Magnus’ lips, and if it weren’t such a dire circumstance he may have laughed and the situation. 

“Alec I-“

But Alec jerks up, slipping over the side of the bed as if trying to avoid all contact with Magnus. 

Magnus rises, hand held up, and shoulders tight.

“No, I-“ Alec collects himself pressing his hand to his chest, before aggressively shaking his head- if it’s at Magnus or Alec’s own train of thought, Magnus cannot tell. 

Alec snaps his mouth shut, hands shaking like a quaking aspen in springtime wind. 

He hastily signs out, letter by letter, a phrase. Magnus only catches two words of it, _I go_.

Before Magnus can call back he’s turned away, and flush out the door. Magnus drops the book, moving the balcony just in time to see Alec’s fleeting form sprinting across Alicante’s main campus field in the direction of god knows where. 


End file.
